Some Democrats Still Rankled at “Unpunished” Lieberman

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Days after a majority of Democrats chose forgiveness for a repentant Joe Lieberman, some remain angry that the renegade Independent from Connecticut wasn’t punished more severely for his disloyalty.

The Democratic caucus, including members elected earlier this month, voted 42-13 in favor of a resolution condemning Lieberman’s campaign actions while letting him keep his committee post.
In addition to opposing former colleagues with his vigorous support of the war in Iraq, he appeared frequently with the Republican presidential nominee, Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) at rallies and criticized Democratic candidate, now president-elect, Barack Obama.

Other acts which offended various members of the caucus include forging documents to implicate fellow party members in financial malfeasance, using a fake voice to call and threaten the children of the Democratic leadership, and poisoning and skinning pets belonging to senators and congressmen on the left side of the aisle, including one of the dogs of Sen. Edward Kennedy (D-MA) with whom Lieberman has had a long-running dispute about whether animals should be permitted on the Senate floor.

“It’s merely a sanction and not a punishment,” noted an angry Chris Dodd, (D-CT.) “It’s far too light for what Joe did to us”.

Other bitter Democrats like Chuck Schumer (D-NY) went further in condemning Leiberman. “The brutal sexual attacks on my and Nancy Pelosi’s male pages represents an egregious breach of trust. Though the distinguished Senator has served the people for more than thirty years, his judgment, not just his loyalty is in question.”

But Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid of Nevada told reporters that the party wishes to leave Lieberman’s actions in the presidential campaign in the past.

“We are not looking back; we are looking forward,” said Reid. “While the sale of methamphetamine and scalding of elders is indeed unconscionable, Lieberman is part of this caucus and will remain chairman of the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee,” he said.

In a carefully crafted response, Lieberman suggested some of his actions may have been misunderstood and others were intemperate. “In the heat of the campaign, that happens to all of us and I regret that,” he said.

Newly elected members of the Senate Jeanne Shaheen of New Hampshire and Mark Udall of Colorado held a press conference today to call for further consideration of Lieberman’s censure. “This is a man who not only broke ranks with our party, but doctored the medical charts of the ailing Senator Kennedy, causing a nearly fatal overdose of medication. And I don’t even want to get into what he did to Ted’s dog.”

During the briefing, well within view of the press corps on the Capitol steps, Lieberman could be seen slashing the tires and throwing a trashcan through the windshield of fellow Independent Bernie Sanders’ (I-VT) yellow Smart Car.

Senator’s “Hang-Dog” Apology Further Irks Some Dems

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Basset-faced Senator Joe Lieberman’s mild mea culpa has failed to assuage many Democrats who believe he was not sufficiently disciplined for his actions during the recent presidential campaign in which he endorsed the Republican candidate, Sen. John McCain.

“This droop-jowled Independent showed cowardice and disloyalty in his repudiation of Barack Obama and he needs to pay dearly,” said Sen. Patty Murray (D-WA.) “We are not appeased by an underwhelming apology delivered through sagging, fallen, cheek-meat.”

Sen. Barbara Mikulski (D-MD) added, “The Senator from Connecticut’s hanging and puffed dewlap jaw-wattle would seem to indicate a dispirited and beaten man, but actually belies the opposite: an undiluted zeal for treachery.”

Democratic senators were undecided about what further sanctions may be requested for the former Democrat whose slack-fleshed, deflated, face-flapping explanation did little to mend fences. However, they did agree on a statement, which read, in part, “Many of us are still not satisfied. The dignity of this chamber has been damaged and cannot be made right by hound-limp, age-shot, jaw-muscles encased in that Turncoat’s pendulous, wrung-rubber mouth slabs.”

Obama Team Mulls Role for Miss Lewinsky in New Administration

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President-Elect Barack Obama’s transition team is reported to be deeply divided over whether to offer a post to Monica Lewinsky, the former White House Intern whose intimate relationship with President Bill Clinton led to his impeachment.

Until now, Lewinsky was one of the few high-profile figures from the Clinton Presidency who had not been recruited for the incoming Obama team. Mr. Clinton’s brother Roger is another, though on Friday there were rumors he would be named ambassador to Spain.

One group, which includes David Axelrod, Mr. Obama’s campaign manager who has been named his senior advisor, favors the move to balance the influence of the Clinton-era policy people by adding someone with a different perspective.

A second faction led by Mr. Obama’s Chief-of Staff, Rahm Emanuel, is bitterly opposed believing that a Lewinsky appointment would needlessly antagonize the Clintons and their supporters. Before being elected to Congress, Mr. Emanuel served as a senior advisor to President Clinton.

Former South Dakota Senator Tom Daschle, who is expected to be nominated as Secretary of Health and Human Services, responded to a reporter who asked about the Lewinsky rumors by pretending to receive a cell phone call. When the reporter took the phone from him and closed it while making a “we both know what you’re doing” facial expression, Daschle said that appointing Lewinsky would be “like rubbing salt in the wounds of Senator Clinton at a time when we’re supposed to be in a healing process.” He added that Miss Lewinsky’s presence in the White House would be “a huge distraction.”

But New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson, who broke with the Clintons over his endorsement of Mr. Obama, said that Lewinsky was “a fresh face” with “a lot to offer.” Richardson lost the post of Secretary of State to Senator Clinton and is now Mr. Obama’s choice for the far less prestigious job of Secretary of Commerce. “The Obama Adminstration should be focused on recruiting the best people to help us address the challenges of the future and not get bogged down in past history,” he said.

The Clintons themselves have not commented on the possibility of a Lewinsky appointment though people close to her have said that Sen. Clinton was shocked and appalled by the idea. “It’s a non-starter for her,” said Philippe Raines, a longtime aide to Sen. Clinton. “She doesn’t want to run into Monica in the West Wing ladies’ room,” he added.

However, Justin Cooper, who edited Mr. Clinton’s autobiography, My Life, and has remained close to the former president, said that Mr. Clinton was cautiously supportive of the prospect. “He’s always had great admiration for Monica’s abilities,“ Cooper said. “I think he’s just concerned that she might get in over her head if she were given a job as a political move.”

Since the scandal, in addition to her status as a pop culture icon of sorts, Lewinsky has had a brief career as a handbag designer and then attended the London School of Economics where she received a master’s degree in Social Psychology. Her thesis was titled “In Search of the Impartial Juror: An Exploration of the Third Person Effect and Pre-Trial Publicity.”

No decision has been reached as to exactly what sort of job Lewinsky might be offered. “With her background, I could imagine her doing something on either the jurisprudence side at the Department of Justice or on the handbag side, at either the Department of Commerce or the Department of Agriculture,” said Deborah Kaye, a senior fellow at the Brookings Institution who studies the Executive Branch.

Monica Lewinsky was not available for comment. Through her attorney, William Ginsburg, she released a statement, which read, in part, “I am honored and humbled by the opportunity to serve my country again at this crucial juncture in our history.”

Reflections: The Kennedy Assassination

It’s hard for me to imagine the complete state of shock that gripped the nation — really the whole world — when President Kennedy was assassinated 45 years ago today, on November 22, 1963, and then assassin Lee Harvey Oswald was slain two days later on national television. I was an infant at the time. Books have been written about the politics and the conspiracies, but what about the national mood during those weeks of sorrow and uncertainty after the tragedy?

My only real point of reference for understanding the aftermath is a song I once heard on the radio, a song that seems to get at some of the emotions Americans were dealing with, late December back in ’63. The song takes me back to those days: Americans feeling as if they’d been hit by a rolling bolt of thunder, spinning their heads around, taking their bodies under. People didn’t even know the feeling’s name, they just knew they were never going to be the same.

I wonder a lot of things about that terrible time. I wonder whether Oswald knew it was coming, if he got a funny feeling when he walked into the room? It all happened so fast — did viewers recall it ended much too soon? And there was a special lady. Hypnotizing, mesmerizing me. She was everything I dreamed she’d be. What a lady. What a night. Looking back, it seemed so wrong, but now it seems so right. And historians can merely ask: why’d it take so long to see the light?

Obamas Expected to have Sex in White House, Insiders Say

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In what is sure to be a controversial move, President-Elect Barack Obama has indicated to his inner circle of advisors that he and his wife may have sex in the White House sometime during the four years of his first term in office.

“He’s not saying they definitely will have sex,” said an Obama confidante who declined to be named, “But he’s not ruling it out. He’s also not ruling out having sex more than once.”

Although Mr. Obama himself is a regarded as something of a sex symbol, there has been surprisingly little speculation and rumor about the incoming First Couple’s romantic life. Longtime observers and friends regard both Mr. and Mrs. Obama as somewhat emotionally chilly. “From what I understand, it’s a bit like the Vulcan mating ritual, the Pon Far,” said outgoing Democratic Party Chair Howard Dean. “Barack will feel a seasonal urge that he knows rationally and logically that he is powerless to control. He will inform Michelle and she will attempt to satisfy the urge. Their schedulers work out the precise details.”

Although it was common for American presidents to have sex in the White House throughout the 19th Century, the practice has become increasingly rare in modern times. The last president believed to have frequent intercourse in the White House was Calvin Coolidge whose relationship with his wife, Grace, became intensely passionate following the death of their younger son from an infected blister.

The two Chief Executives most often associated with Presidential sex in recent years, Bill Clinton and John F. Kennedy, did not have the sex they are famous for with their wives. Jimmy Carter, a former president known for a tendency to overshare wrote in his memoir, Keeping Faith: Memoirs of a President, that he and his wife Rosalynn had intercourse once a year on New Year’s Eve “for five minutes with the lights off” during his presidency. Mrs. Carter disputed her husband’s account in her own memoir, First Lady from Plains.

With four large bedrooms, the First Family’s private apartment on the second floor of the White House is designed to accommodate whatever marital configuration the President and First Lady happen to prefer, according to Rear Admiral Stephen Rochon, the Chief Usher of the Executive Mansion. The President’s bedroom and the First Lady’s bedroom can be as close together or as far apart as they want,” Adm. Rochon said, adding that, as with many couples, sleeping arrangements are usually decided based on who snores. As for the possibility that the Obamas might share a bedroom, Adm. Rochon said he “could not see any reason for that.”

The Secret Service has already begun preparing for the possibility that the President’s tight schedule might be interrupted on occasion by a brief sexual interlude. The code phrase to indicate that the President (code name “Renegade”) and First Lady (code name “Renaissance”) are having sex will be “discussing the Bosnian problem” as in “Renegade can’t be disturbed right now. He and Renaissance are discussing the Bosnian problem.” In the event that President and Mrs. Obama are, in fact, discussing the Bosnian problem and not having sex, Secret Service agents have been instructed to say that they are “reviewing the Bosnian situation.” A spokesman for the Bosnian government could not be reached for comment.

Mr. Obama preferences with regard to birth control are not mentioned in either of his books, The Audacity of Hope and Dreams of my Father, though Michelle Obama has said on several occasions that she does not plan to have any more children.

Although Mr. Obama drew scant support form the Religious Right during his campaign, fundamentalist Christians would have no objection to the president having post-marital sex in the White House according to Focus on the Family’s James Dobson. “Intimate relations in the context of a different-sex marriage is just not something we have a problem with, despite what the liberal media would have you believe,” he said.

The news that President Obama may soon be having sex in the White House was greeted by his supporters with decidedly mixed emotions. “I’m a little glad and a little sad,” said Danielle Garcia-Robinson, a college student and Obama volunteer from Madison, Wisconsin. “I’m glad if he’s happy and feeling pleasure but deep down a little part of me will always wish he were having sex with me,” Ms. Garcia-Robinson said. Her boyfriend, David Nagel, echoed her sentiment. “That’s how I feel, too,” he said.

Obama Names Ayers to Cabinet Post

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In what is sure to be a controversial move, President-Elect Barack Obama has announced that he will nominate Chicago-area activist Bill Ayers to be Secretary of Homeland Security in his new administration. Ayers, who became a lightning rod for right-wing criticism of Obama during the campaign, said that he was “honored and humbled” by his appointment.

Although he was never convicted of a crime, Ayers has admitted that, as a member of the radical Weathermen splinter group of the Students for a Democratic Society, he built and detonated a number of bombs during the 1960s and 1970s. Since then, after spending many years as a fugitive, Ayers has become a respected educator and community leader in Chicago. He is currently a professor at the University of Illinois.

In naming Mr. Ayers to the post, Senator Obama was careful to repeat that he knew the other man only slightly, having encountered him from time to time at various political events in Chicago. But the prospect of naming an actual former terrorist to the job of hunting terrorists and preventing terrorism proved irresistible, especially for an administration determined to make a clear break with inside-the-Beltway business-as-usual.

In a prepared statement, Senator Obama said, “There’s an old saying that ‘it takes a thief to catch a thief.’ If we are going to defeat the terrorists, we have to understand how they think and no one can do that better than Bill Ayers.”

The Department of Homeland Security is the third largest Cabinet Department in the Federal Government. In addition to guarding against terrorism on domestic soil, DHS, as it is known, is also responsible for protecting our borders and enforcing immigration policy and for responding to natural disasters. An Obama Transition Team insider conceded that Ayers would “probably be just terrible” at these other tasks but said that “he’s so good on terrorism, it’s worth it.”

Independent and academic observers have arrived at a consensus in recent months that the Department of Homeland Security is something of a unwieldy hodgepodge, created in haste in the wake of 9-11, and ripe for a reorganization. The appointment of a head with a narrow focus on only part of its mission could indicate that President-Elect Obama intends to break up the Department sooner rather than later.

One Bush Administration official, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that Ayers was a calculated “outside the box” choice intended to send a message that there was a new sheriff in town. But, he added, this sort of posturing has become something of a ritual when the presidency changes hands between parties. “I give him 6 months,” the official said. “After that, he’ll be replaced by a senior military officer, a career civil servant, or a former top legislator, which could be a mistake considering he’s not the sort of guy you want to
p— off.”

New and Improved Quotation for Today

“Yes, we can!” — Barack Obama before Jan. 20, 2009

“No, we can’t.” — Barack Obama after Jan. 20, 2009

New and Improved Quotation for Today

Original: “There are no atheists in foxholes.” — Ernie Pyle

Improved: “There are no atheists with three-year adjustable rate interest-only mortgages.”