Original: “I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the Earth.” – John F. Kennedy
Improved: “I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon to see if he can make a go of it.”
Original: “May you live in interesting times.” – Chinese proverb
Improved: “May you live in wonderful, wonderful times.”
Original: “We are not amused.” – Queen Victoria
Improved: “It didn’t work for Us.”
Thanks to our global dominance in the field of One Woman Shows, America’s women are the happiest, most mentally healthy, and have less to get off their chests than any other statistically comparable group of women in the world with the possible exception of the women of the Netherlands, who have the advantage of being, on average, much better-looking.
The Old Yorker 